I'm doing okay these days. Everything seems to be going in one direction or another, but I seem to be able to get them to move my way. School is almost done with this semester, then I can focus on getting that transfer I've been looking forward to since it began. A new place, new scenery, new people sounds like a good deal for me, and that's why I look forward to this new semester coming up after the summer.
I'm saving up now. Hoping for a chance at some more money to get me a plane ticket to Boston. Will cost a bit, but will also give me the best chance to leave the state and visit somewhere new. I need something new and exciting right now. Need to get my head cleared and find a new path. Need to forget the past and what it's brought me and focus on the future.
I've tried to forget about my ex. I've tried so hard to do it. Her thought, tho, seems to cripple me for some reason. I've known for a while that I've never really gotten over her to begin with. Especially when I have friends over social networks that have the same friendly connections with her, it seems that the memory of what I remember us having jumps right back into mind. God damn it.
But it's something I'm going to have to live with. SOmehting that I'm going to have to move on from and deal with when it's instances come around. While I've given friends advice about this and that, taking one's own advice always seems to be the hardest things to do. I've always told people that things like these will hurt in the future months, maybe even years to come and it's just something that is going to have to be dealt with. I've come to terms with whatever was going on between me and her, and I know that there will come a day when I'll meet someone that will just wipe her memory from my mind and I'll never think about her or give two shits about what she is going on with her now. But it's not happening now, it's not happening anytime soon i think, and I doubt it ever will. So I deal with it and kill my soul a little more inside as I wonder what the hell I did wrong and why couldn't I have been in the position her current beau is in now.
But writing helps a little bit. Drinking helps more. Working and learning helps, but maybe i just need something else that will help me numb this feeling I've got and had inside now for the past few months.